Marriage at Holy Trinity
Marriage Preparation
Congratulations on your engagement! We’re glad you’re here!
Whether you are newly engaged or civilly wedded and seeking a sacramental marriage, we are here to offer support and guidance for the big day, but more importantly, for a lifetime together as husband and wife. Just like a priest prepares for his vocation, the Church strives to provide sufficient preparation for you to enter this important life-long vocational sacrament. The biggest question and fear going into marriage is: will it last? We are here to divorce-proof your marriage by giving you the best marriage preparation possible! Here is a roadmap of steps for each engaged couple to take as you prepare to embark on the beautiful vocation of marriage:
Step 1. Meet with Your Priest or Deacon
After you become engaged, contact your parish as soon as possible and set up a meeting with the priest or deacon to assist you with your marriage preparation. This meeting would ideally be six months or more before the wedding date.
Step 2. Take the Marriage Preparation Inventory
Soon after your initial meeting with your priest or deacon, you will complete a marriage preparation inventory through FOCCUS. This inventory provides you a unique opportunity to discuss various topics and build a strong foundation for your life together.
What is an Inventory?
A Pre-Marital Inventory is a tool that guides healthy conversations on numerous topics, some of which couples may have never previously discussed. The inventory is not a test or a predictive tool. It helps engaged couples understand individual lifestyle expectations and enhances couples’ ability to communicate about marital topics. Each couple has an inventory facilitator who will lovingly guide each engaged couple to converse with each other - which may include some difficult conversations - in order to provide a strong foundation for marriage. The inventory is not a measure of compatibility, and no one can fail it. It is a snapshot in time of what you as an engaged couple are thinking right now, and you will grow and learn more about each other as you converse together over time. The inventory consists of dozens of topical statements you will respond to individually. We suggest that you set aside enough time to take the inventory separately so that you can go out to dinner afterward to discuss your impressions before meeting with your facilitator.
Sign up for the Inventory
The results of the inventory are compiled into a couple report and serve as a springboard for discussions. Register for FOCCUS by clicking here for a cost of $20 per couple. For any questions regarding registration, please contact Dcn. Patrick O'Toole at patrick@starofthesea.net. Once you register, FOCCUS will send the bride and groom passwords within 3 days so they can each complete the inventory separately online. The bride and groom are encouraged to check their Spam folders for the passwords as sometimes FOCCUS e-mails end up in the spam folder.
Step 3. Complete the Educational Component
A Mentor Couple Marriage Preparation
If you talk to engaged couples, many will tell you there is no substitute for a good mentor couple in the marriage preparation process. This couple can authentically share their struggles and their joys with you and remain available to answer questions throughout your first few years of marriage. Their experience, witness of marital love, and the mentoring they provide ensure that you have someone to turn to as you learn and grow together.
Pre-Cana and Retreat Marriage Preparation
Step 4. Attend Natural Family Planning (NFP)
Each engaged couple is asked to take an introductory class in NFP which will show the couple how to chart. There are several highly effective, researched methods of Natural Family Planning to choose from, and they are available to learn either in person or online.
Contact Lucy Clemen, via email at clemenlucy@gmail.com, or call (360) 271-3611, for Natural Family Planning classes.
Step 5. Receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation
We believe that our God is a God of mercy and forgiveness. The Church encourages couples to receive this gift of mercy through frequent confession before and after their wedding. Engaged and married couples who frequently receive this sacrament have better odds at succeeding in their marriage. They say that not going to confession before your wedding day is like taking a shower with a raincoat on holding an umbrella where the water coming down in the shower represents God’s graces being poured out upon you. God wants to pour forth his graces on marriages through the sacrament of matrimony, and we want to be in a state of grace to be able to fully receive all the graces.
Resources to prepare:
Confession Guide for Engaged Couples
Step 6. Meet to plan the Church Ceremony
While some of the details were decided during the prior meetings, we want to finalize the details liturgical celebration of your wedding such as readings, music selection, gift-bearers, and specific cultural traditions.
Marriage License
If you are not married civilly, you will need to make time to complete your marriage license application. The application can be completed online here. Both parties must sign the application before a deputy auditor (or notary public if the application is by mail). A marriage license will be issued to the parties upon receipt of the completed marriage application and $72.00 fee. You must wait 3 days after the license is issued to get married. A marriage license is valid from 3 days after the license is issued for 60 days in the State of Washington.
We typically recommend applying one-month prior to the marriage date. Please bring the original paperwork received from the Auditor with you to the rehearsal. The license will be signed after the ceremony and the parish office will take care of mailing the original to the County for recording.
